Therapy for Pleasers in Overland Park, Kansas
People pleasing isn’t simply being too nice. Often, it’s a strategy for maintaining connection by monitoring other people’s reactions and suppressing your own needs and authentic feelings. However, this “chameleoning” can also get in the way of knowing what you feel, what you want, what your dreams are… in other words, who you are.
Many pleasers I work with recognize themselves in stories like these:
- Growing up with a caregiver whose moods were unpredictable, and learning to read their emotions and adjust yourself to keep the peace or stay connected.
- Being the “good” or “easy” child while someone else in the family struggled.
- Absorbing cultural, religious, or family messages about who you’re supposed to be, without space to ask whether they fit your own sense of self.
None of these behaviors and patterns are flaws. They are adaptations you made to an environment you did not choose.
The work is to recognize the old pull to lose your voice, to not take up space, or to become small in order to have your needs met. Relationships can also disappoint. The work is also learning to feel that disappointment and keep relating and living anyway. And sometimes, this means accepting the limits of others and grieving the person you wished someone could be, or what a relationship simply can’t offer.
You deserve a life where you are known, not just liked. Let’s work toward that together. When you’re ready, reach out through my contact form or give me a call.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Pleaser Therapy in Overland Park, Kansas for me?
If you resonate at some level with what was written above, it could be! Your ability to tune into the states and needs of those around you is something to celebrate!
However, this therapy can be helpful to identify the burnout, resentment, or deadness that can come from a lack of connection to your own personhood and your ability to reach out for help from safe-enough people in your life.
How much does individual therapy cost?
$200 per 50 minute session.
What is your attendance policy?
At Advantage, we are devoted to the highest level of care for the clients we get to serve. In light of that commitment, we are only taking clients who are committed to scheduling a minimum frequency of once a week sessions.
You are allotted one cancellation per calendar year for each time that you attend per week. (For example, if you attend therapy twice per week, you are given two “free” cancellations.) You are not required to pay for sessions that I cancel. I will make every effort to alert you of my planned vacation times in advance.
You are also able to “make up” for cancelled appointments within the week before, the week of, or the week after the date of your originally scheduled appointment to avoid being charged for a missed session. I will make every effort to find a time for us to meet.
How long does individual therapy last?
Therapy may be nearing its close when you:
• Know what you feel and need. You can identify and hold onto your own feelings and needs in the midst of someone else’s reactions to them.
• Say no without drowning in guilt. Setting boundaries and having boundaries feels less like the annihilation of the relationship.
• Own your patterns. You see how you control through accommodation, avoidance of conflict, or holding resentment, and take responsibility for your part.
• Stop replaying old stories. You revisit your past with creativity instead of looping on what you had to do to stay connected or safe.
• Feel worthy without earning it. You value yourself for who you are, less for how helpful or convenient you are.
Every person’s process is different, but this work commonly takes 1-3 years of weekly sessions.
What types of individual therapy do you practice?
My primary modalities of practice are Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples and Relational Psychodynamic Therapy. Both of these modalities focus primarily on affect (feelings, longings, unconscious beliefs) and the ways our stories get repeated in the present which can give people a meaningful blend of a deeper connection with their emotional life with also insight into the “why” of their experience and patterns.
Do you take insurance?
I am considered an out-of-network provider. If you have a diagnosis, I can provide you with a superbill after every appointment which contains all of the information your insurance company will need to reimburse you. I encourage you to consult with your insurance to find out about your out-of-network benefits.