Last month, I discussed the importance of making space for your own experiences while working with clients, touching on the foundational framework of Relational Psychodynamic Therapy (RPT). We ended the last article with a general framework of how I practice RPT:
- Feel, Notice, Sense (“Sip”) – Tuning into your experience while with a client, especially on an emotional level.
- Reflect/Metabolize – Connecting your internal experience to the client’s developmental traumas, relational patterns, and cultural impacts, asking, “What happened and what is happening?” (Barness, p. 6)
- Articulate and Play – Sharing your internal experience with the client and exploring it together in the relational space.
Ex) Taking the risk to say aloud what experience I am having with them, how it may be linked to what is taking place in our relationship, and “playing” with however it hits my client and how their mind works with it. Put simply, the client gets a window into my mind as I relate to them.
This month, I want to take a deeper look at “Articulate and Play.”
It’s a concept that can be intimidating—even unnerving—but it has the potential to bring vitality and healing into your therapeutic practice.
I’m curious, what is your first reaction to the idea that you would actually tell your client how it feels to be with them? Hop on my email list here and let me know what your initial response is.
I’ll go first! I remember thinking…“Wait is that even ethical?
I could never tell THAT client how it feels to be with them.
How on earth is this helpful or therapeutic?”
I felt scared that this openness would cause all my clients to leave as well as skeptical that this would actually “enliven” the therapy…I feared it would end it!
What Is Articulation then?
But as you can see, the fact I am writing this is a testament that practicing articulations in my work has not caused all my clients to leave.
At its core, articulation involves sharing with your client the emotional, physical, or cognitive experience that’s arising for you in the moment. It’s not simply reacting; it’s a thoughtful and intentional expression of what you are experiencing and how it may connect to the client’s narrative or the dynamic between you.
On a first encounter, this practice can feel radical—maybe even uncomfortable. Personally, when I was first introduced to the concept, as I shared above my thoughts were, “Wait, is this even ethical? What happens if I tell a client how it feels to be in the room with them? What if they get mad? What if they leave our work altogether?”
The truth?
I’ve found the opposite to be true.
When practiced carefully and compassionately, sharing these articulations breathes fresh air into the work as the therapist lets the client into their experience with them. And most importantly, it makes therapy alive. Every moment becomes sacred and has the potential to unfold the richness of the encounter that is occurring…“Everything is right here”.
Here’s what I’ve discovered through incorporating articulation into my sessions.
1. Gratitude
Contrary to my initial fears, my clients have expressed gratitude when I share my internal experience. One client even exclaimed, “THANK YOU!” after I shared feelings of disgust that emerged during our session. Together, we unpacked the source of that emotion—ultimately linking it to her experience of a relationship that was harming her but she could not trust. By expressing my reaction, I offered her a reflection of her own internal world, helping her connect with feelings that she had needed to disassociate from.
2. Conflict
Articulating my authentic experience means walking into the messiness of relationships—and yes, sometimes that has involved us getting into more conflict. Let me be clear, conflict sucks and I often find myself avoiding it and placating or collapsing instead.
Yet, leaning into these conflicts has allowed me and my clients to work through deeply buried emotions like rage, disappointment, and grief and the emotional needs these emotions often symbolize. It is also remarkable how the traumatic wounds of the client’s story (and my own) are connected to the conflict, and there lies the opportunity to “rework” what has taken place in the past. As Roy discusses, “The unconscious must be felt, not just thought” (Barsness, p. 18).
3. Aliveness
Perhaps the most liberating discovery for me has been how much more alive I feel in my practice. Early in my career, I strived to be the “perfect” therapist—calm, kind, compassionate. But when I inevitably experienced feelings like anger, boredom, or even sexual attraction during sessions, I felt ashamed and concerned with myself and how I was showing up.
Articulation has allowed me to bring curiosity and openness to these feelings, and ultimately attempt to integrate them into the work, rather than suppress them. An unforeseen benefit of this stance has been a decrease in my feelings of burnout and exhaustion.
I am realizing it takes exponentially more energy to split off from my experience than it is to open and allow my clients to impact me. Instead of expending energy avoiding certain emotions, thoughts, bodily sensations, etc. I now attempt to lean into them with curiosity, exploring their connection to the relational dynamic.
This is hilarious to me because this same thing is true for our clients. Deadness and exhaustion come from an inability to feel and sit with what is, and yet so much of our training has taught us to distance ourselves from what we feel in order to stay “empathic”.
Why Articulation Matters in RPT
An RPT alumnus, Matt Inman, once told me “Our training doubles down on our trauma”.
Many therapists often grow up in environments that ask them to attune to others and pay far less attention to what they feel and need. The beauty of articulation and relational work is that it values the therapist’s subjectivity and understands it as “a primary activating force” in the client well being (Barness, p. 10). We also engage in trainings that de-emphasize the value of our subjectivity, thus replaying what many of our stories told for how to relate to our own thoughts, feelings, and needs.
RPT emphasizes the therapist’s subjectivity as an essential force in the client’s healing process. Roy Barsness, founder of the RPT program, beautifully summarizes this by saying, “The patient wants to find us in our most vulnerable place because then we are alive to them.”
Articulation aligns with this philosophy by valuing the therapist’s presence as a vital tool for connection and transformation. Naming and sharing your experience requires you to show up first. To allow the clients to “infect” you, and have the courage to share this and play with your client with what meaning it may hold.
Summary
Engaging in articulation moves beyond “being there” for your client—it involves showing up, fully and authentically. Here’s why this approach matters in the long run:
- It creates an intersubjective play space. By “going first” with sharing your emotional experience, and inviting your client to do the same, you create a subjective playground in which you and your client can explore the richness of the therapeutic encounter.
- It helps clients articulate their own feelings. Naming and exploring your reactions creates a model for the client, encouraging them to name their experience, in general, and with you, more confidently.
- It reverses burnout. By staying attuned to your own experience, you reduce the emotional labor required to suppress feelings, which can lead to exhaustion and more “leaning out”. Leaning in actually brings aliveness.
Integrating articulation into your practice takes time and courage. It’s not about blurting out every feeling that comes up but about offering intentional insight in service of the therapeutic relationship.
I’ll leave you with this closing thought—articulation doesn’t require you to be perfect; it requires you to be present. And in that presence, you provide tremendous healing potential for your clients.
Next month, we’ll explore how to practice articulation, including practical steps and insights into “playing” with these experiences in therapy (and yes, how it connects to pickleball—it’ll make sense, I promise!).
Until then, I hope you can feel more open towards yourself and see the beauty and importance of who you uniquely are and how that is enough.
– Alex
P.S. Curious to learn even more about RPT or the MAMAL style of consultation? Check out Roy Barsness’ book, Psychodynamic Supervision Theory and Practice, for deeper insights into relational psychodynamic therapy.
And if you enjoyed this topic, please consider joining my monthly newsletter for more insight and conversation. I’m just an email away.
References:
Psychodynamic Supervision Theory and Practice: In a New Key, p. 6, 10)