Let me just start by saying, pickleball is SO FUN!
I started playing around the time COVID-19 emerged, and I haven’t stopped since. One of the most beautiful aspects of pickleball is the seamless combination of slower, patterned “dinking” (softer, thoughtful shots at the net) with the lightning-fast pace of the “speed up,” where players engage in rapid exchanges of volleys. Intuition and spontaneity take over, and it’s exhilarating.
When thinking about articulation in therapy—sharing my feelings, thoughts, and experiences about the client directly with the client—I’ve noticed how similar it feels to the “speed up” in pickleball. Therapy naturally involves periods of gentle exploration, curiosity, emotional reflection, and understanding of the client’s story. This phase often builds trust between the client and therapist—a lot like “dinking” in pickleball, where players take time to understand each other’s rhythm, learning how they respond before the game intensifies.
Relational psychodynamic therapy (RPT) offers a way to deepen this steady back-and-forth. It encourages therapists to pay close attention to what is being stirred inside them in the therapeutic relationship—the subtle ways the client’s story comes alive in the interaction. For instance, imagine a client sharing how they were encouraged to be the “positive one” in their family, where expressions of hurt, anger, or negativity were subtly dismissed. The therapist might notice themselves falling into a similar dynamic in the room, perhaps focusing primarily on the client’s brighter emotions while feeling hesitant to ask about their challenges or pain.
This is where the “speed up” occurs—the moment is ripe for articulation. The therapist might say, “Huh, I’m finding us both seeming to give a lot of time and attention to what has been feeling good in our work, which I am so glad to hear, and yet I have been having a feeling or sense of ‘something is missing’, namely the parts of you that are anxious, or angry at the political climate, or stuck in your marriage. This is reminding me of your story in which you could rarely share your stresses, anger, or other more “difficult” feelings in your growing up and often were the “positive” and “social” ones that everyone enjoyed. What do you think about all of that?”
A common phrase I hear often in the RPT program is… “What you say comes second in command to how you work what is said.” Articulations like this are not about the therapist being “right.” They are an invitation to enter a shared space of exploration, guided by curiosity. What unfolds is not about affirmation or rejection of the comment itself but about how the therapist and client collaboratively “work out” the meaning in the moment. So to say it a different way you offer your experience and the “truth” is found in the working out the experience between you and your client.
The anticipation before making an articulation (and also during the articulation) can feel scary, vulnerable, and a little like “flying blind.” You are basically saying, “This is my feel, my sense, my gut…let’s play with this and see what is trying to find voice, be felt, or re-imagined.” And then there’s always the question of how the client will respond to you bringing your feelings and mind to them which you cannot fully know beforehand.
But more often than not, I’ve found that these moments breathe life into the therapeutic process.
Clients often express gratitude when I offer my experience—they feel seen, validated, and invited into the deeper curiosity of imagination of themselves.
Therapy, like pickleball, thrives on the balance between the steady rhythm of “dinking” (listening, story, reflecting) and the energizing spark of the “speed up” (linking articulation, working through conflict). Over time, this interplay fosters an expanded imaginative space for both therapist and client, opening doors to new possibilities in love, work, and play.
Key Takeaways
- You don’t have to be right—just present. Articulation invites co-creation. The truth arises in how you and your client work together to understand the experience.
- “What” you articulate matters less than “how” you engage with it. Approach your articulation with care, curiosity, and humility, inviting your client into a shared exploration.
- Trust your clients. They can handle vulnerability, both yours and their own, far more than you might initially believe.
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